The A.M. Shift

    (Just so you know, my internet didn't work this morning, so I'm uploading it now. Lol.)

      I fell asleep at 7:00 p.m. and woke up around 10:30p.m. and now it's 3:27 a.m. Sigh. I just don't think sleep schedules and I get along. I had to work on a fundraising project for our Senior Grad Night and then write an essay for Ready Writing UIL. Apparently UIL is purely a Texas thing? This depresses me for the rest of the world. Anywho, our fundraiser is called the Mr. KHS Pageant. Basically, a bunch of guys in the senior class dress up as women for different organizations, FFA, Track, Band etc, and all these guys are in a Pageant and everyone pays $5-$7 to see it and us seniors get money. So yay! While I cannot crossdress simply because I have absolutely not interest in doing it for any reason, I am wearing my kilt and hosting it with one of my friends. We're the Emcees and we are freaking hilarious. I'm actually excited despite everything being pushed on myself and others who have no idea what is going on. Not yay.

     I want my birthday to be here now. April 29th, don't forget it. I need to get my Ocarina. In case you don't know what an Ocarina is, it's this thing over here ----->

Ocarinas were made famous by the Legend of Zelda games, but were actually legitimate instruments for thousands of years before it's pop culture appearance. One of the reasons I want it so badly is just because they're awesome. They sounds beautiful, (That bad boy over there is a Tenor C Ocarina) and they're portable. Since I'm a percussionist, my instrument is a few hundred pounds and rather ungainly to carry around. I specialize in keyboards. I do not care for drums. I've always wanted a fun instrument to carry around and whip out and just enjoy on the go. With an Ocarina, it's nothing to assemble, like I said before, it sounds beautiful, and it is also just aesthetically appealing in my opinion. This Ocarina right myah -----> is from www.stlocarina.com which is a great Ocarina site. I had to buy the iPhone Ocarina app just to sate my Ocarina lust until I can get a real one. I may only be slightly obsessed. My friend Christine and I plan to go to a local square which is a hip place near a college campus with a few coffee shops, restaurants and an amazing purple Recycled Bookstore and we'll play Ukulele and Ocarina duets and then sometimes she'll play Uke and I'll sing. I love singing too much. I wish my voice were better, but hey, what can you do?

     I was mediating earlier on something that lots of people I imagine have trouble with. Liking someone and being frustrated that they'll never like you back, and even though you acknowledge and understand that, you still like them! I have this problem ALL. THE. TIME. Like one friend talks about how wonderful his girlfriend is and she's so pretty and I like her so much and I just want to interject, "Uh, I'm nice too!" But obviously they're straight and it's useless. In the nicest way possible, I hate attractive straight men. Bunch of teases. Just like girls who love guys in relationships with other girls. You can't have them, but you want them, but you hate that you want them simply because you can't have them. If there is one thing I can't stand/am obsessed with for some ungodly reason, it's being teased. Like Tony from the British television show Skins with the gay character Maxxie. Tony is dating a girl but kisses Maxxie and then attempts to blow him when Maxxie stops him and says, "Well Tony, I think we finally found something you're not good at." HILARIOUS, but that's besides the point. Realistically, the only gay people I know are way out of my age range/attraction. I'm not interested in younger boys. That's creepy. Maybe a year younger. MAYBE. Mostly I'm attracted to older people. Of which there are none here. Thus why I want to go to Austin. A much bigger pond for the big fish that is me.

     You know what I think is worse than being drunk and making bad decisions? Being physically intoxicated. I kid you not, I get schwasted from a kiss, a touch, and all coherent thought beyond "That feels AMAZING." leaves my mind and then afterwards I'm like, "Oh. That just happened didn't it." The reason it's so intoxicating to me is just because it's a major confidence boost to have someone interacting with you sexually. It makes you feel good about yourself. That's MY problem though. Because of all of this insecurity I've been fostering for so long, I've developed this unhealthy lust to feel attractive. Don't ever do that. Not that I or anyone else would do that consciously. It's 4:03 a.m.. I'm entitled to jump even more sporadically than I normally do. Ugh, I'm going to go write a bit and try to make it through the coming day.

     OMG that reminds me, One Act Play tryouts are today! I'm so freakin' excited. We're doing Twelve Angry Jurors instead of Twelve Angry Men because we could never have enough guys to do it with a full male cast. I just have to make it through all of my classes to get to tryouts. Ugh. Classes. My first two periods never cease to slay me. OH BUT WAITIJUSTREMEMBEREDSOMETHINGELSE!!!!! Tomorrow is this optional Scholarship seminar that goes from 8:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. that will help me skip most of my classes! Yay! My attitude just improved. Alright, well until next time!

"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin, like a house of cards one blow from caving in? Do you ever feel already buried deep, six feet under scream but no one seems to hear a thing? Do you know that there's still a chance for you? If there's a spark in you, you just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just own the night like the fourth of July. 'Cause baby you're a firework. Come on show 'em what you're worth. Make 'em go oh, oh, oh, as you shoot across the sky-y-y. Baby you're a firework. Come on let your colors burst. Make 'em go oh, oh, oh. You're gonna leave 'em fallin' dow-ow-own."- Firework, Katy Perry