It's Been Far Too Long

     It's been over a month since I've blogged and I do have an explanation for that. A long one, but an explanation nonetheless.

There is an iPhone application called Grindr which is for gay and bisexual men to talk to each other. Some people use it for hook ups and others to genuinely meet people. This is how I met Austin and Stephen. Stephen was four years older and Austin was my age. I talked to both of them and went on a date with each. I decided that I clicked with Austin more. The night of our first date he saw a text on my phone from Stephen and asked who he was. I've taken on a 100% honesty policy and told him that I had a date with Stephen the next night. Austin immediately got quiet and left ten minutes later saying that he had to go. I began to feel like crap. I shouldn't have because there was nothing wrong with going on one date with two people. I had no commitment to anyone. But I did feel bad and Austin asked me to meet him later at a local park. We clicked and I made the decision to solely date him.
     We started dating February 27th and things were great for a while. I fell hard and fast for him and I'm pretty sure it was mutual. About a week and a half in, we had sex. I don't regret it. Then he left for a choir trop to Ireland. While he was in Ireland, he discovered that he didn't get into the college of his choice which happened to be close to mine and his second choice which was in a another state made him doubt us. He got back and things were great for a bit after bickering the entire time he was gone. Then things just went downhill. I think I loved him. Is three weeks incredibly fast? Yes. Like I said, I think I did. Maybe I just convinced myself I was in love "which anyone can do." He broke up with me yesterday. Sunday I mean. Spring fever I guess it was.
     At first I was crushed, but then a lot of things started to hit me. He didn't read much and books and writing and language are all things I love. He thought my best friends and I were odd because we love Pokemon and play video games. He hated my favorite restaurants and everything in the relationship was always on his terms. When only saw each other when he wanted. He was so overly sensitive that I couldn't even joke with him the majority of the time without him getting offended. I like to solve conflicts immediately because they hurt so terribly. He would be pissed for days. They say opposites attract and I thought this was true. Sometimes it works and sometimes they burn each other. Scorching them beyond recognition. The latter was the case unfortunately, but that's okay.
     In a few months, I will be going to one of the most unique and fun cities in the country. Austin, Texas. There will be so many new and interesting people and sooner than I will be off to college I will have summer. A summer filled with my best friends, hanging out, camping, bonding and just general amazingness. I cannot wait.
     One thing I learned from Austin though is self respect and confidence. I, Jeffrey, am worth something. I deserve someone who can reciprocate my feelings and is willing to go the distance with me. I realized that I am important and deserve someone who can treat me right.
     Well, I just finished seven physics papers, so I think I'll go to bed and end this night on a good note.

My best friend Taylor tells me this quote occasionally and I love it. I am adopting it as my new life mantra.

"Happiness is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it,
The more it will elude you.
But if you turn your attention to other things,
It comes and softly sits on your shoulder."